Well, its finally Friday, Yup pi da bi do.... But why is my heart still feeling so heavy not to count the sleeply eye lids too. Yesterday was Ascension day - went to church. Hoping to get some good inspiration. But not really... but the stuff from my Helen Steiner Rice calendar helped alot.
Today I received an email from Jeff Chiew. Wow he is doing so well and happy in the States. Pictures of vacation in Bahamas and leaving for another vacation to London tomorrow. Sigh. WHat a blissful life. I guess being happy go lucky is good.
I long to be like that. But do i have the courage to be like Jeff, just pack his bags one day and leave for the States with no job... nothing But yet today he is working as a contractor for HP and earning tons to be able to travel and live a happy life!
Do i have the courage to just pack and leave for AU? I am so not a risk taker. But is it time for me now? I dunno. or do i need a miracle to let me see where my life is heading before i dare to take the plunge.
Somtimes I think to myself. What is the worse thing that can happen? Is being without money so terrible? At this point , my answer is yes!!!!! Or is this just fear engulfing me.
Fear has been so much part of my life. In the mastery class, they have asked me to identify what has caused this? I DUNNO...... i wish i can identify this.
Someone who has probably met me when i first graduated and just started working, you would see the real difference in me. Has working life made me sceptical of people and trusting people. It has made me crawl back to my shell and be the quiet person who just take whatever that comes along and pray and hope that things would be better?
I want to get out of this rutt..... the lousy life.. the lousy job......
When will God hear me and release me...... from this pain!
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